With each new year comes a new beginning. It is just the next chapter in our lives and we choose how to write it. Some things happen that are beyond our control and sometimes it makes our life take unexpected turns. 2010 has by far been the worst year of my life, but with some very memorable and happy times too.
The biggest event was losing the man who was there for me and was the father that I needed from the time I was 12. I respected him and loved him and on March 29th he was just gone, I felt like my heart had been torn from my chest and stomped on. It left such a huge void and the wound still seems very much fresh and it hurts like hell.
My adopted dad's wife, also died this year. In some ways this was blessing because she was an evil women whom wanted us to not be in their life's, thus we weren't and that is where my DAD (mentioned above came in). The evil wicked stepmother died the beginning of March and my adopted dad was remarried the beginning of August. Now after all these years of having nothing to do with my sisters and I, he wants to be there. There are a lot of emotions behind it. 1) I feel as though I am cheating on the man that I thought of as Dad, 2) there are a lot of hurt feelings that are going to be hard to let go off, just to name a couple. Now I have chosen to live my life with no regrets so I am allowing him back into my life and into my children's lives but there are walls and defenses that will be up for a while. And I feel that I have those rights. As for his new wife, she is a sweetheart and I really like her. She is totally opposite of evil wicked stepmother, she wants us to be a family.
Some of the good things that happened are I finished my Associates Degree, went on a great camping trip just me and Harleyann with the girl scouts to Hershey PA, have made some major changes to help Harleyann in school.
Holidays were good, they were different without Dad here and I suppose they will never feel truly the same. My kids have really kept me going and have really helped me through just by loving me. Jeff has been an amazing help and he has even realized when I just need to de-stress and he has just been amazing.
I am hoping that 2011 is a better year, I have a lot to look forward too...I am looking forward to spending more time with and getting to know better my sister Allison and her family, I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage, my 35th birthday, my kids 2nd & 9th birthdays and many more things.
I know that life can sometimes be hard but we have to go through things to become the people we are and are to become. Plus I have the most amazing family and extended family a women can ask for. I have a ton of support and a ton love surrounding me everyday and I feel truly blessed by the family and friends that I have.
Life can be hard sometimes but it is worth it in the end. Just live life to the fullest and have no regrets, that is what I live by. To all the people in my life Thank You for being there, for being supportive, and for all the love that you give to me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Let's make 2011 a great one!!!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
This Thanksgiving & everyday I am thankful for
So I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that you stay safe if traveling and enjoy family and good times.
This Thanksgiving is the first without my dad and it is weird. But I will be surrounded by family and love. Even with losing my dad this year, I have a lot to be thankful for. Here is a few things that I am thankful for everyday:
1) I am thankful that God has given me life and allows me to wake up to it every morning.
2) I am thankful for a wonderful family, that I love dearly.
3) I am thankful for my amazing husband.
4) I am thankful for my wonderful in laws, whom without I don't know where we would be at.
5) I am thankful for my 2 beautiful children, whom make my world so much brighter everyday.
6) I am thankful that my daughter has grown and come a long way since her NICU days. And on Thanksgiving day this year (11/25) we will be celebrating her 8th year release date from the NICU.
So in honor of Thanksgiving tell me what you are Thankful for.
This Thanksgiving is the first without my dad and it is weird. But I will be surrounded by family and love. Even with losing my dad this year, I have a lot to be thankful for. Here is a few things that I am thankful for everyday:
1) I am thankful that God has given me life and allows me to wake up to it every morning.
2) I am thankful for a wonderful family, that I love dearly.
3) I am thankful for my amazing husband.
4) I am thankful for my wonderful in laws, whom without I don't know where we would be at.
5) I am thankful for my 2 beautiful children, whom make my world so much brighter everyday.
6) I am thankful that my daughter has grown and come a long way since her NICU days. And on Thanksgiving day this year (11/25) we will be celebrating her 8th year release date from the NICU.
So in honor of Thanksgiving tell me what you are Thankful for.
Friday, October 22, 2010
RM's are AWESOME
I belong to a group called Richmond Mommies (RM), they are part of The Mommies Network (TMN). TMN has forums all over, I bet if you looked they may have one in your area. RM is a group of wonderful moms that all share in raising our kids in the Richmond areas. I may not be able to get to the play dates, mommy night outs, or one of the other many of things we have very often, because right now my family only has one car and my husband takes that to work. But I do visit the message board often and I have found some wonderful women to support me and give me advice.
I am mommy to a 24 wk micro-preemie and I was dead set against have another child for fear that I would have another baby that early and the outcome would not be what it was like for the first. God had other plans for me, and now I have a second child. My pregnancy with #2 was not an easy one, the mommies of RM were wonderful, if I didn't post someone was sending me a private message (PM) wanting to make sure everything was OK. I managed to make it to 37 wks with #2. There is a 7 year age gap between my children so having #2 was like starting all over, you would think that once a mom you would not forget but after 7 yrs I was a bit rusty and I know I asked a ton of questions that I should have known. Now #1 is a girl and #2 is a boy, so besides the age gap, we have gender differences and they are completely different. I catch myself saying now that #1 was not like this, what do I do? Someone is bound to have gone through the same thing and can give some advice. After having my son, several of my RM friends storked me, that is where they brought me meals 3 times a week for 2 weeks, it was so helpful. After having a new baby and via c-section the meals certainly helped and all I had to do was heat up the food.
Now a week ago a freak accident happened, one of those things that you say well that will never happen to me. Well it did and I was so scared of what people would think about me, not to mention the fact that I was beating myself up over it. See I had just finished dinner and was lifting my son over the baby gate to get him in his seat and ready for dinner. He was wiggling, my daughter was trying to hand me a diaper and talk to me at the same time, and I guess I just didn't have control of my son as well as I thought I did and he fell out of my arms. When he fell we were in front of the stove and he fell onto the pot of green beans on the stove and when he rolled it pushed the green beans back and his arm landed on the burner. He got 1st degree and partial thickness 2nd degree burns on his upper left buttocks, back, right side, right arm, and right ear. I debated back and forth rather to post for prayers for a speedy healing for my son on RM, because I felt that I would get a lot of flack for dropping my son. Eventually I decided to post about it and the response was nothing that I thought it would be. The mommies were wonderful, they all reassured me, sent prayers and well wishes. They told me accidents happened and not to be hard on myself. I do not think they know just how much that meant to me and really helped me to feel better about the situation.
I am happy to report that after a week since the burn incident, my sons ear is completely healed, the burns on his buttocks, back and side look wonderful. His arm was the worse, it looks good but will take a bit longer to heal.
I learned from this incident that we all make mistakes and no matter how hard we try accidents happen and a lot of them are out of our control. I have also learned the saying that a Mother is her own worst enemy is so true.
I honestly do not know what kind of mother I would be without the backup and support from my Richmond Mommies and I thank them all. We do not always agree about things, but in the end we are all mothers and no matter how one chooses to raise their child no one is wrong.
I am mommy to a 24 wk micro-preemie and I was dead set against have another child for fear that I would have another baby that early and the outcome would not be what it was like for the first. God had other plans for me, and now I have a second child. My pregnancy with #2 was not an easy one, the mommies of RM were wonderful, if I didn't post someone was sending me a private message (PM) wanting to make sure everything was OK. I managed to make it to 37 wks with #2. There is a 7 year age gap between my children so having #2 was like starting all over, you would think that once a mom you would not forget but after 7 yrs I was a bit rusty and I know I asked a ton of questions that I should have known. Now #1 is a girl and #2 is a boy, so besides the age gap, we have gender differences and they are completely different. I catch myself saying now that #1 was not like this, what do I do? Someone is bound to have gone through the same thing and can give some advice. After having my son, several of my RM friends storked me, that is where they brought me meals 3 times a week for 2 weeks, it was so helpful. After having a new baby and via c-section the meals certainly helped and all I had to do was heat up the food.
Now a week ago a freak accident happened, one of those things that you say well that will never happen to me. Well it did and I was so scared of what people would think about me, not to mention the fact that I was beating myself up over it. See I had just finished dinner and was lifting my son over the baby gate to get him in his seat and ready for dinner. He was wiggling, my daughter was trying to hand me a diaper and talk to me at the same time, and I guess I just didn't have control of my son as well as I thought I did and he fell out of my arms. When he fell we were in front of the stove and he fell onto the pot of green beans on the stove and when he rolled it pushed the green beans back and his arm landed on the burner. He got 1st degree and partial thickness 2nd degree burns on his upper left buttocks, back, right side, right arm, and right ear. I debated back and forth rather to post for prayers for a speedy healing for my son on RM, because I felt that I would get a lot of flack for dropping my son. Eventually I decided to post about it and the response was nothing that I thought it would be. The mommies were wonderful, they all reassured me, sent prayers and well wishes. They told me accidents happened and not to be hard on myself. I do not think they know just how much that meant to me and really helped me to feel better about the situation.
I am happy to report that after a week since the burn incident, my sons ear is completely healed, the burns on his buttocks, back and side look wonderful. His arm was the worse, it looks good but will take a bit longer to heal.
I learned from this incident that we all make mistakes and no matter how hard we try accidents happen and a lot of them are out of our control. I have also learned the saying that a Mother is her own worst enemy is so true.
I honestly do not know what kind of mother I would be without the backup and support from my Richmond Mommies and I thank them all. We do not always agree about things, but in the end we are all mothers and no matter how one chooses to raise their child no one is wrong.
Thanks Mommies, I love you all :)
**To find out if there is a TMN site in your area visit this link: http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/index.shtml
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Brunswick Stew
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fall and one of the things that I love about it is that you can get Brunswick Stew, YUMMY!!
Well since I love it so much, I decided to embark in finding a recipe and there are TONS of them all different in one aspect or another. Finally I found one for Va Brunswick Stew (what makes Va Brunswick Stew different is that it has okra in it). So I ended up combining 2 recipes to get one that suited me. So last night I made it and it was a HUGE pot full, that only got 2 bowls ate out of it. My husband does not like soups and stews and our son seems to be taking after him in that aspect. But Harleyann loved it and so did I, although I think that I will add more tomatoes next time.
The recipe I used is as follows:
Brunswick Stew:
2 whole chickens, cut into pieces
Boil in large stock pot with just enough water to cover chicken. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 2 hours. Remove chicken and let set till cool enough to handle. Once chicken is cool enough turn stock back on and bring to a boil, reduce to low, shred chicken and put into stock. Add:
6 large potatoes, diced
2 large bags of Lima beans
2 large bags of corn
1 bag of cut okra
2 large cans whole tomatoes, roughly chopped (i poured the juice into the stew)
and simmer for 20 minutes. Add:
1 cup of ketchup
3 Tbsp brown sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 stick of butter
2 Tbsp vinegar (I used red wine vinegar)
Salt and pepper to taste.
Cover and simmer for 2 hours or longer, stirring occasionally.
It turned out great, just really needs more tomatoes if you ask me.
Well since I love it so much, I decided to embark in finding a recipe and there are TONS of them all different in one aspect or another. Finally I found one for Va Brunswick Stew (what makes Va Brunswick Stew different is that it has okra in it). So I ended up combining 2 recipes to get one that suited me. So last night I made it and it was a HUGE pot full, that only got 2 bowls ate out of it. My husband does not like soups and stews and our son seems to be taking after him in that aspect. But Harleyann loved it and so did I, although I think that I will add more tomatoes next time.
The recipe I used is as follows:
Brunswick Stew:
2 whole chickens, cut into pieces
Boil in large stock pot with just enough water to cover chicken. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 2 hours. Remove chicken and let set till cool enough to handle. Once chicken is cool enough turn stock back on and bring to a boil, reduce to low, shred chicken and put into stock. Add:
6 large potatoes, diced
2 large bags of Lima beans
2 large bags of corn
1 bag of cut okra
2 large cans whole tomatoes, roughly chopped (i poured the juice into the stew)
and simmer for 20 minutes. Add:
1 cup of ketchup
3 Tbsp brown sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 stick of butter
2 Tbsp vinegar (I used red wine vinegar)
Salt and pepper to taste.
Cover and simmer for 2 hours or longer, stirring occasionally.
It turned out great, just really needs more tomatoes if you ask me.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Dear Daddy
Dear Daddy,
It has been a little over a month since you left us and it has been very difficult. 59 is to young for you to no longer be here. I may be in my 30's but I still need you and it hurts like hell. For a long time the tears would not come. I was angry at you for leaving us, there was so much left unsaid and undone and I was mad because I would never have the chance. I was hurt because my kids will not get to grow up with you around for them, all the promises you made them are now forever broken. I miss you like hell and it hurts way to damn much. I never wanted to feel this way ever. I am heartbroken. I feel like I am a little girl lost in this world without my daddy.
Any man can be a father, but it really takes a special one to be a daddy, and you were it. You were my daddy. I may have never called you daddy but that is who you were/are. I don't know where to go, where to turn, what to do. A girl needs her daddy, she always needs her daddy and I am to young to be without you. My kids are to young to be without you.
I keep questioning WHY. Why did you have to leave us? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to get sick? Why didn't you just tell the doctors how bad it was getting so that they could help you? Why did you want to leave us?
I know that you are in a better place and I know that you are not suffering, but I want you here. I want you with us. I want you to be at home. I want to be able to call you on the phone. I want you to be here for birthday parties and holidays.
The tears have had a hard time coming since they first told me, except for the funeral. But now they are coming and it is the little things that will make me just lose it and will make me cry. A song. A movie. A story. Anywhere and anytime. I was driving down the road radio surfing and I came to a ZZ Top song and started crying, I never thought that Legs would make me cry, but it did. I cried when I finally changed your phone over to moms name and picture.
It is hard to deal and I feel so alone. I know I have people around and people who are there for me but I still feel alone. I don't feel like celebrating anything, I don't feel like having fun, I don't feel like being around people. What do I do, how do I get past this? What do I need to do? How do I deal with it? How do I deal with you being gone?
Through it all I want you to know that I love you so much and I miss you like crazy. I know I will not feel quite this much sadness when Larry and Eddie pass away. And I do not want to feel this much pain and sadness for a long long time, so you have to promise that mom will be around for many more years.
I know that one day I will see you again and that we will be together when I walk through those Golden Gates, but I just wish with every fiber of my being that you were here with us and that I could talk to you. But I want to know that you are here, I want to know that you are watching over us.
I will forever carry you in my heart and I will remember you and I will carry all our memories.
I love you always daddy!!
Love,
Me
It has been a little over a month since you left us and it has been very difficult. 59 is to young for you to no longer be here. I may be in my 30's but I still need you and it hurts like hell. For a long time the tears would not come. I was angry at you for leaving us, there was so much left unsaid and undone and I was mad because I would never have the chance. I was hurt because my kids will not get to grow up with you around for them, all the promises you made them are now forever broken. I miss you like hell and it hurts way to damn much. I never wanted to feel this way ever. I am heartbroken. I feel like I am a little girl lost in this world without my daddy.
Any man can be a father, but it really takes a special one to be a daddy, and you were it. You were my daddy. I may have never called you daddy but that is who you were/are. I don't know where to go, where to turn, what to do. A girl needs her daddy, she always needs her daddy and I am to young to be without you. My kids are to young to be without you.
I keep questioning WHY. Why did you have to leave us? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to get sick? Why didn't you just tell the doctors how bad it was getting so that they could help you? Why did you want to leave us?
I know that you are in a better place and I know that you are not suffering, but I want you here. I want you with us. I want you to be at home. I want to be able to call you on the phone. I want you to be here for birthday parties and holidays.
The tears have had a hard time coming since they first told me, except for the funeral. But now they are coming and it is the little things that will make me just lose it and will make me cry. A song. A movie. A story. Anywhere and anytime. I was driving down the road radio surfing and I came to a ZZ Top song and started crying, I never thought that Legs would make me cry, but it did. I cried when I finally changed your phone over to moms name and picture.
It is hard to deal and I feel so alone. I know I have people around and people who are there for me but I still feel alone. I don't feel like celebrating anything, I don't feel like having fun, I don't feel like being around people. What do I do, how do I get past this? What do I need to do? How do I deal with it? How do I deal with you being gone?
Through it all I want you to know that I love you so much and I miss you like crazy. I know I will not feel quite this much sadness when Larry and Eddie pass away. And I do not want to feel this much pain and sadness for a long long time, so you have to promise that mom will be around for many more years.
I know that one day I will see you again and that we will be together when I walk through those Golden Gates, but I just wish with every fiber of my being that you were here with us and that I could talk to you. But I want to know that you are here, I want to know that you are watching over us.
I will forever carry you in my heart and I will remember you and I will carry all our memories.
I love you always daddy!!
Love,
Me
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