Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,
     It has been a little over a month since you left us and it has been very difficult. 59 is to young for you to no longer be here. I may be in my 30's but I still need you and it hurts like hell. For a long time the tears would not come. I was angry at you for leaving us, there was so much left unsaid and undone and I was mad because I would never have the chance. I was hurt because my kids will not get to grow up with you around for them, all the promises you made them are now forever broken. I miss you like hell and it hurts way to damn much. I never wanted to feel this way ever. I am heartbroken. I feel like I am a little girl lost in this world without my daddy.
   Any man can be a father, but it really takes a special one to be a daddy, and you were it. You were my daddy. I may have never called you daddy but that is who you were/are. I don't know where to go, where to turn, what to do. A girl needs her daddy, she always needs her daddy and I am to young to be without you. My kids are to young to be without you.
   I keep questioning WHY. Why did you have to leave us? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to get sick? Why didn't you just tell the doctors how bad it was getting so that they could help you? Why did you want to leave us?
   I know that you are in a better place and I know that you are not suffering, but I want you here. I want you with us. I want you to be at home. I want to be able to call you on the phone. I want you to be here for birthday parties and holidays.
   The tears have had a hard time coming since they first told me, except for the funeral. But now they are coming and it is the little things that will make me just lose it and will make me cry. A song. A movie. A story. Anywhere and anytime. I was driving down the road radio surfing and I came to a ZZ Top song and started crying, I never thought that Legs would make me cry, but it did. I cried when I finally changed your phone over to moms name and picture.
    It is hard to deal and I feel so alone. I know I have people around and people who are there for me but I still feel alone. I don't feel like celebrating anything, I don't feel like having fun, I don't feel like being around people. What do I do, how do I get past this? What do I need to do? How do I deal with it? How do I deal with you being gone?
   Through it all I want you to know that I love you so much and I miss you like crazy. I know I will not feel quite this much sadness when Larry and Eddie pass away. And I do not want to feel this much pain and sadness for a long long time, so you have to promise that mom will be around for many more years.
    I know that one day I will see you again and that we will be together when I walk through those Golden Gates, but I just wish with every fiber of my being that you were here with us and that I could talk to you. But I want to know that you are here, I want to know that you are watching over us.
   I will forever carry you in my heart and I will remember you and I will carry all our memories.
   I love you always daddy!!
Love,
Me